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Love Letter 1

Dear Kinti,
I want to thank you for dancing into my heart in these last few weeks. I have felt in my own self, much more inspiration, connection to magic, trust in the divine plan, and love of life. I am inspired by you and I admire your commitment to yourself to live in your truth. I noticed that for me, whenever I dream about my vision- the land, the cob house, the gardens, the fruit trees, the river- I always seem to place it in some far-off, indefinite, somehow unattainable future. And I see you, holding a similar vision, yet you are putting it into practice each day, weaving your prayers into building homes and planting trees in the present moment. Seeing you in this way has given me the beautiful reminder, that I must keep holding my vision, even though some days it may feel so many steps away from fully manifesting, the important thing is to take one step, and then the next,

Plant one radish, one ficus, one rose, to lay down one plank of wood after another, to move the large pile of rocks that stand in the way of living every day as a sacred ceremony, connecting to the altar of life itself.

I also want to thank you for creating such a safe container for me to bring my whole self into our relationship. I honor my own courage to be able to speak my full spectrum of desires with you and I recognize that it takes so much maturity, respect, and wisdom to be able to receive my sexual desires toward you, mark a clear boundary that you are unavailable for that kind of intimacy right now, and then continue to lean in, to soften, to open.
It would be easy to pull away completely, yet I see in you a wide open heart willing to continue the conversation after the “no,” so we may explore in what ways we can channel the divine energy of our creative life force potential, together, on a mutual foundation of love. Making music with you, is a divine gift and I am so excited to continue creating with you.
Each time I catch myself wandering off into thoughts about how the future, my dreams, and visions will unfold, I do my best to bring myself back to the present, to hold space for any fears or doubts that may arise, and to continue returning to trust in love. Right now, I am trusting deeply in love and in the way I have fallen more in love with myself through your reflection.

I have to admit that I missed you at the party yesterday. I noticed myself longing for you when I was surrounded by a house full of people that I love and who love me in return. What I felt was that every single person reflects back to me a different version of myself. I see different parts of myself through the loving eyes of the other. And while I appreciate deeply each of the wonderful mirrors I encountered at the gathering yesterday, I was craving to see myself in your reflection. I was craving that familiar feeling of coming home to myself through your gaze, your smile, a squeeze on the shoulder.
This longing was so intense that at times it filled me with giddy butterflies, deep belly laughter, jumping for joy, mingling with our community as a playful little elf. And other times it literally brought tears to my eyes, symbolizing all of my longings, every unfulfilled desire, every time I wanted to feel someone in breath, in fascia, in bones, yet felt them so far away. I felt the grief making love to the joy, the faraway memories having tea at the Mandango’s nose, the sancocho of emotions alive in me represented by the the dark gray haunting clouds, the hillside illuminated by a fierce sunshine, the tiny droplets of drizzles kissing my cheek, the flowers in bloom all around.
I like to give myself the opportunity to dive intensely into my experiences, I feel that one of the gifts I was given by the creator was to feel the full spectrum of human emotions like a rapid river ravishing everything in its path- and then create art about it. I am grateful that I can also practice observation, and notice the raw, messy, juicy emotions flowing through me without attaching to them. And I am grateful to feel so deeply, so intuitively, connected to my most intimate griefs and pleasures.
Interestingly enough, through the hurricane of emotions that occurred for me at this gathering- three women came up to me in separate moments to share how much they admire my energy, my presence, my voice, my heart. Seeing themselves through my reflection they saw true freedom of expression, unapolagetically taking up space and filling the space with art from the soul. Perhaps because I noticed myself sometimes leaving the space through the train in my mind, each time I caught myself, I would bring myself back entirely, committing myself to radical presence, truly listening to my heart’s desires in every beat and acting from this place. I danced like a sweaty wild woman, I sang with my harmonium and guitar, I took moments of solitude on the grass when I needed it, I went up to the people I felt most attracted to and asked them if they would like to share some mate- now this was a fun experiment which led to some delicious connections!

Thank you for reading and for being a sun of inspiration for me- yes, I feel that you are my muse right now.
Thank you for walking in sincerity, humility, grace, ease, and beauty.
I am sending you a giant hug and look forward to delivering it in flesh and blood when I come back from the jungle.
I am off to go play in the rivers, dance, dance, dance, hold ceremony with plantas maestras, spiral back to my own center through the mama Amazonas loving embrace. I am open to receive the messages, magic, and blessings that come my way.
Te quiero,

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